Fine is a word that i find way over used. People use it to describe feelings, to agree . What exactly does fine mean? It has many different means from the width of an object to the quality they come in. Thats not what I want to talk about today though. Im talking about I'm "fine" . The annoying answer we all give when its to hard to admit that what we really want to say is " I'm horrible thanks for asking" the truth is sometimes people just don't want to talk about it. I'm one of those people that is continuously saying "I'm fine!". When I feel like crying or breaking down. I am not an emotional person and by avoiding the question and keep moving on i am able to stay whole, stay me, because I'm afraid that if I open up if I let the question get under my skin and answer it truthfully. The things i find could rip me apart piece by piece. Many of you know exactly what I'm talking about, some of you are probably deciding whether to keep reading. In all honesty the choice is up to you. Keep reading if you want. The things I talk of are not actions but feelings, the insecurities i keep close to my heart and don't let out unless I gaze in a mirror or am talking to " that cute boy who sits next to me" we all know the boy I'm talking about. the one that's so cute your afraid to say two words to him because your afraid of what he's thinking. Is he thinking about my eyes? what if i have something on my face? He probably thinks I'm ugly, Does he think I'm fat? These are all the questions that go running through my mind when I'm around my boy across the isle . Many other girls can relate to exactly what I'm talking about. As these things go through my mind my face starts to contort and I get a look of worry, my friend leans over and asks " Are you okay?". The answer starts to form in my mind. " No I'm not Im scared, I'm worried, I'm insecure! Do these pants make me look fat? Has Isle Boy looked over here...." I clench my teeth so hard I taste blood, trying to stop myself from letting the truth slip out between the cracks of of my broken smile. I take a deep breath and calmly reply " I'm fine." It's times like these that get to me, make it harder to keep the facade going, because in all truth thats all it is. It's me pretending that everything is okay , that I'm all smiles and giggles when what i really feel like doing is crawling into a corner with my book and getting lost in a world thats not my own, because mine is to hard to control, at least with a book or a story the end has already been decided therese no changing it. Life gives us many different choices , in my life i have learned not to regret because the thought of what could have happened will haunt you forever. Don't let what i said bother you this is me, this is my life and in all honesty......it's fine.
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